Brett Favre: American Dirtbag

By now, any sports fan is more than likely well aware of the allegations surrounding Brett Favre and his alleged “courtship” of Jennifer Sterger, the ex Florida State “Cowgirl,” via a series of ambiguous messages via Myspace, awkwardly comely voicemails, and the pièce de résistance: a picture of his ‘johnson’ via text message.

Surrounding the allegations of the “relationship” between Favre and Sterger, there are two schools of thought right now:

1. That Favre made unsolicited and unrequited advances towards Sterger (in the most awkward way possible)
2. That Favre was merely responding to advances by Sterger, with the latter selling all information from the “relationship” to make a quick buck and bask in her 15 minutes of fame.

Yet ironically, the third and perhaps most relevant school of thought in all of this – did Favre actually make these adulterous advances to someone that’s just a few years older than his own daughter – has already been answered by the court of public opinion, as well as Favre himself: Yes, he did.

Put yourself in Brett Favre’s shoes. You’re universally mentioned in the discussion of the greatest quarterbacks of all time. You already possess almost every statistical record a quarterback can acheive.  You’ve got a one-way, non-transferrable ticket for Canton – Business/Executive class, to boot – already booked and delivered.

So if some fame-seeking floozy makes public accusations implicating you of being less than faithful to your wife – the same lady who stood by you while you spent night after night partying and chasing tail, and while you suffered an addiction to prescription drugs and needed rehabilitation – wouldn’t you fight these allegations, tooth and nail, if they were false? Wouldn’t you look reporters right in the eye, point your index finger right their camera, and emphatically state these allegations are 100% without base (assuming they were)?

Any married man who has to look his wife in the eyes every day with any sort of dignity and integrity would do so… assuming they were innocent.

So what does Brett Favre do? He tries to change the subject. Or, he’ll talk about the issue without talking about the issue. After the Vikings defeat on Monday night, when asked about the allegations, he gave a smart-ass answer stating how he’s more interested in talking about the game. Before said defeat, he gave what was described as a “tearful” apology to his teammates about the “distraction” he’s caused.

You’ll have to forgive me if these don’t exactly convince me that his name is unrightfully being slandered by a money-hungry, “big boobed hoe.” Instead, with Favre’s lack of a direct response (let alone a denial), he’s basically entered a “no contest” plea into the court of public opinion. And given that, you can’t convince me otherwise that he didn’t author those messages.

Let’s take a step back for a moment. If this whole issue doesn’t smack of Tiger Woods all over again, you obviously haven’t been paying attention: allegations of infidelity being broke by a tabloid-esque source, followed by no comment from the offending party. Then an apology for an issue that’s never really addressed, followed by even more allegations of further infidelity. With Tiger, we all know what happens next; similar allegations regarding Favre are starting to emerge as well.

Yes, I realize there’s certainly a difference between sleeping with anything that moves while your wife is pregnant, versus (allegedly) sending a team employee pictures of your commanding officer.

But too many people, including almost all of Wisconsin, most of middle America, and the near entirety of mainstream sports media, want to make out Brett Favre as synoymous with what’s good about the USA. He’s Apple Pie, the 4th of July, Captain America, and Touchdown Jesus, all rolled into one. This is Mr. Country Time Lemonade and Mr. Wrangler Jeans we’re talking about – good, old-fashioned Americana.

So here’s my question to the numerous Favre apologists out there, especially the ones trying to make this Sterger’s fault:  If the allegations prove true, and Favre truly is the author of those voicemails and “sexts,” how does he explain this to Deanna (his wife)? How about his 21 year old daughter (who is certainly old enough to know ‘how things work’)? Or his 11 year old daughter (whose classmates are very likely aware of the situation by now)? I mean, really, in what way could you spin this where you could exonerate yourself in any way?

Somehow, I don’t think the “She (Sterger) started it!” defense will work too well here, even though the raging Packers homers and unapologetic Favre apologists all resort to the same accusation of Favre’s being set up by gold-digging, fame-seeking bimbo. If you’re a married man, try going out and doing the same things Favre allegedly has done, and use the “it was all her fault.” Yeah, i’m sure your wife will completely sympathize with you on that one.

And for those who still aren’t convinced, I offer you this: If you somehow think that this incident is isoloated, you’re delusional. With some quick Google searching, you’ll find more than a handful of message board posts and internet hearsay of Favre’s infidelity long before the ABC camera’s panned over Sterger that one fateful day. There are whispers everywhere that Brett & Deanna’s marriage was about as cozy as Bill & Hillary’s, for the exact same reasons.

Listen, don’t mistake this as me going Helen Lovejoy on Favre, shocked at the idea of a professional athlete having eyes for someone that’s not his wife/fiancee/girlfriend/significant other. When you have a bunch of 22 to 35 year old men who are in amazing physical shape, have millions of dollars in their bank accounts, and are largely treated like celebrities, you’re stupid to think that a flock of groupies won’t be following them around like they’re the pied pieper. Even the player’s own significant others are very cognizant of the fact that their other halves cheat far more than anyone realizes because of the sheer temptation they’re relentlessly faced with. It’s just “the nature of the beast,” so to speak.

But that still doesn’t make it right, especially with somoene who’s been in the NFL for damn near two decades, and should know better by now.

Brett Favre is married. He’s married to a woman who has been there for him through the best of times and the worst of times. He was almost 40 years old when the alleged incidents occurred, so if he’s implicated, it’s not like we can chalk it up to “youthful indescretion.”

Talk to any guy, and they’ll tell you that the amount of attention and advances they get from girls when said guys are not single (and especially when they’re married) goes up dramatically. We’ll have girls, who ordinarily wouldn’t have given us the time of day when we were single, flirting with us and sending us signals. Now, for an NFL quarterback in the same situation, multiply that attention by approximately 99 kajillion.

The difference between a married guy and a dirtbag is what you do with that attention. Me and my friends just shake our heads and laugh. But there are those guys who pursue those false opportunities, only to realize those homewreckers will leave you with absolutely nothing when you pursue them.

We already found out that Tiger Woods was one of those guys, and now his name is mud to every casual sports fan and/or the vast majority of (sane) women on the planet. If the allegations surrounding Favre end up holding true, I can only hope the same fate awaits him, because he deserves it.

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